me vuelvo impaciente
cuando llega el amanecer
absorvo todos los tés de
todas las tardes.

I like the weekends better, and it shouldn't be surprising.
But it is.
Anyway, one is almost starting today.

I like to see how his brain works. Not a good thing to say out loud, though.
what is it that bothers me and puts me off? don't really know if I wanna find out.
is it the Alex thing? it dones't annoys me that much. just a bit.
it's probably the Alex thing. Only he's got some things to even things up.
On the other hand, he's never called me kitten, so..

Oh but he has called me babe. Wonder why I like it so much.
He does keep me waking the walls.

It feels like the ghosts are just following some boring old routine.
Same old, I do miss them, I do freak out, but, they just aren't trying hard at all.
Not at all.

Funny. That little sparkle of life I'd thought I'd seen in j.
Is oh, nothing more than a full personality here. Dude.
Still he really really is too young. Next girl's fucking lucky. You know, exept for his ex.

And oh, men. Full personality and oh my god, yet he's just soo in love,
they turn into, well,
kittens.

silly girl.

first time ever I feel like I don't need to censure myself. you know, kinda.
like he isn't afraid of me, and what I might do or what I might like.
gosh, who knew, right? so. fucking. much.

it was like a switch turned and then i like him so much!
just like that. every fucking thing he says. it remainds me of n. but better.
(oh so much better)

funny about this bitch thing thing. guess i should have seen it coming.
still, way too happy tonight to care. really, how cute is he?
and when those little shiny pieces come through, fuck.
and the way he got totally mad. (how dumb am i? omg.)

well, just said it, totally sixteen tonight.
but also in a bubbly, quirky way.

tomorrow night has to be perfect. and there are just soo many things to potentially fuck it up, it should be fun.

have you seen the little piggies -not-

It's weird, but I feel like I hardly know her anymore.

I don't know her expressions, I don't recognize her people.

It's sad. Real sad.

And then there's the new friends.

New, awesome, smart, funny, perfect, in love with a friend of mine new friends.

How swell. (easy there, honey bun, off limits)

And then there's the slightly less new friends

who seem amazing. And who apparently likes to keep me waiting.

And mixed signals. And I'm so fucking horrible at this.

And then there's the always wonderful him.

Doing the same old things. Wonderful and not so much.

And then there's the nausea. And the shivering. And the soared body.

And the mass media-created panic.

And then there's the longings. And how much I fucking hate him.